Sexual Assault is a Men’s Issue

Why men and boys are the key to ending sexual violence

“Rape is an important women’s issue.”

“Whoa. How did a man get involved with that?”

“Sexual assault? Yeah, I never really know what to say about feminist issues…”

I spend a lot of time volunteering for a nonprofit in Chicago called Rape Victim Advocates (RVA), which does exactly what its name sounds like it does. The comments above are ones I received recently about my involvement. They all occurred in a single evening, and they weren’t the only ones. People often ask me why I care so much about rape awareness, or what men have to do with it at all. Well…

There are countless reasons men should be involved in this issue. Here are the only three you need:

1)  Men are victims, too. 

8 to 12% of the clients RVA serves each year are male. That may surprise you, but it’s typical among rape crisis service organizations. And the actual male percentage of victims is probably much higher—it’s notoriously difficult to calculate because the perception that rape is a women’s issue makes male victims less likely to come forward. Many survivors fear being doubted or shamed. Or blamed. Even ridiculed. This can ring twice as true for men and boys, often fearful of having their strength and sexuality questioned, or their very masculinity challenged.

2)  We care about the women in our lives. 

Even if rape only happened to women, it would still be a cause for men to rally around. These are, after all, the women we love. They are our wives and girlfriends, our daughters and granddaughters. Our sisters. Our mothers. Our neighbors and friends. Gentlemen, imagine for a moment listening to a horrific story of prolonged child abuse, or perhaps a violent and brutal street assault. Then imagine learning that the victim in the story is the woman or girl you love more than anything on Earth. Now tell me men shouldn’t care. Tell me rape is only a women’s issue.   

3)  It’s men who rape.

Yes, men are affected. And of course we care about women. But the single most important reason men need to get involved in fighting rape and ending rape culture is that it’s men who perpetrate this violence. Advocates and experts in the field teach us that anyone can be a victim or a perpetrator of sexual assault, regardless of gender. This is an important truth, one more people need to know. But another truth lies here: Approximately 99% of sexual assaults are committed by men. Statistically speaking, it’s men who rape, overwhelmingly. When you uncover a public policy issue—particularly one involving violent crime—that is almost exclusively the result of male behavior, what you have on your hands is a men’s issue.

It really is that simple. Reaching men and boys—that’s the key to a world without sexual assault. We need to focus less on telling girls how to avoid being raped, and more on teaching boys not to rape. And not to tolerate or condone rape in any subtle way. If we want to end violence, we must reach those who have the highest potential to engage in it.

We need to teach boys from an early age that part of being manly is respecting and protecting women and children—and even other men if the situation warrants. We need to create an environment where competitive young men, eager to demonstrate their masculinity, vie to be the first to help someone in need. To protect the vulnerable, to prevent violence or the endorsement of it. We need a young party culture where it’s the cool kids who say “Hey man, leave her alone,” where those who don’t respect others’ privacy and dignity are chastised and corrected. We need to get through to boys.

And that starts with us, men. Women can tell boys how to behave and they might even listen sometimes. But it’s older guys they will emulate. We men need to recognize that we are role models, whether we choose to be or not. We must lead by example, and intentionally teach the boys in our lives about respect and personal rights. It’s men who teach boys how to be men.

Fellas, we have work to do.